Max, Max, Max… has yoo heard of MANGOSTEEN? They’re funny purple thingies that smell really, really, super good. Whenever our hooman buys them I get to them and sniff sniff sniff them and rub myself all over them. Sometimes you get free ants with them too! The humans eat them tho, and I don’t like that, why are they eating my wonderful sniffs?
I had to go Google that because I’d never heard if it before and neither had the Woman. I think they look like great rolling toys and she thinks they look tasty. But…it doesn’t seem like we can buy that here, and they sux, because now we both want some.
Maybe your people are eating them so they don’t go bad and get mold and stuff on them…they wouldn’t be much fun to rub on if they had goopy mold oozing all over the place. You need to come to an agreement: you get custody of the fruit for a couple of days, and then they can eat them. And when they’re done, they have to go buy more. That seems fair all the way around.
Deer Max – we has a big problem – the mom has to have an oper-way-shun and, well, the last time she hadded one Sammy was a baby and the rest of us were not around. what are our duties? we are furry werried that we will not be able to take care of her.
Ok, I know how this goes because the Woman has had several operations and illnesses, and I’ve had to nurse her through all of them.
Your first duty is to make sure she gets plenty of rest when she gets home. You can do this by napping across the top of her head, on her pillow, so that you’re right there to address any movement when she wakes up. Oh yeah, she’ll need to sleep a lot. It will help her a lot if you’re right there on top of her head. Not only will you have fast notice when she wakes up, but you’ll keep the warms in her head where she needs them.
Since there’s more than one of you, you can take turns head sitting. And when one of you is on her head, another needs to be very, very close to the part of her body that got operated on, and then scooch close to it and purr hard (this did not work so well when the Woman had the brain tumor yanked out through her nose. She did not appreciate me trying to lay across her face to our on it.)
And this is very important: since she needs her rest, you have to keep other people away from her. So start practicing your growl now, and when she’s resting and anyone else tries to come near, let ‘em have it. I did this when the Woman had colitis. I got between her and the Man and growled at him a lot, to make sure he knew he had to leave her alone.
You don’t get in trouble for growling in this situation because they know you mean business.
The main things are purring near the ouchy bits, and keeping the warms in her head. Trust me, she will appreciate it a whole bunch.
Max, I have beautiful brown patches on my coat. I even have one on my pantaloons. That Fat Lard Cat I live with makes fun of me and calls me Mr Poopy Pants. How do I make him stop? I kant beet him up cuz he’s way bigger than me.
Well…if you don’t want to take the high road and ignore him—which I totally get because there’s nothing fun to do on that road—you can dish it right back out at him. If he calls you Mr. Poopy Pants, call him Lardo McFattyfats. If he does it again, call him Weiner Breath. Or Dorkus OhReallyUs.
If you can lob the names right back at him, he’ll either be so impressed that he’ll stop, or he’ll get so mad that he never speaks to you again, and BINGO, problem solved.
I have a few other names you could use, but you’re young and more polite than I, and I think it would get edited out, anyway.
Dear Max Max Max Max
Since I can’t come live with you will you come live with me? My people are okay with it, and you can play with my dog.
Love, Weezer
No.
The post Ask Max Monday: Nursing 101 appeared first on Cat Lifestyle: Mousebreath Magazine.
SOURCE: Cat Lifestyle: Mousebreath Magazine – Read entire story here.